Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm