Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
