Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
