you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
