the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize