so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
