i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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