Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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