you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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