Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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