Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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