yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
