After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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