Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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