Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
