I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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