$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
