At least make sure they are 18
Why
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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