When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
