theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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