He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
