I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
