Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want to have your abortion
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
