I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
