Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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