His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
