We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
