I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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