Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
