Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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