Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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