With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
