I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
