im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Farmville is her only friend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
