ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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