I think I am morally bankrupt
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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