This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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