i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
