No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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