im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
