farters have to be the big spoon...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
