you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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