yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
PANTIES FOUND
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