you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
