based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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