My liver just broke up with me...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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