I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
