For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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