Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
