so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.