just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha