I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me