Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?

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(281): I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow? http://tfl.nu/ft8k

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.

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(919): Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself. http://tfl.nu/ufys

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(513): View more from Ohio

This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie

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(513): This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie http://tfl.nu/0ykf

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(713): View more from Texas

If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.

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(713): If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free. http://tfl.nu/xcq7

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(305): View more from Florida

I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.

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(305): I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success. http://tfl.nu/yoei

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(563): View more from Iowa

At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups

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(563): At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups http://tfl.nu/0hio

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(541): View more from Oregon

I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.

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(541): I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top. http://tfl.nu/w6ft

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(937): View more from Ohio

do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good

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(937): do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good http://tfl.nu/57yk

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.

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(604): Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible. http://tfl.nu/5wo9

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(252): View more from North Carolina

We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground

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(252): We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground http://tfl.nu/v1ru

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(214): View more from Texas

Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?

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(214): Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being? http://tfl.nu/tmnj

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(971): View more from Oregon

I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.

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(971): I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney. http://tfl.nu/myp2

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(404): View more from Georgia

I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight

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(404): I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight http://tfl.nu/qgh6

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(515): View more from Iowa

My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."

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(515): My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches." http://tfl.nu/3hga

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(903): View more from Texas

Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!

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(903): Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!! http://tfl.nu/fyj1

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