saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again