Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
