And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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