I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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