I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
