I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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