She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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