And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
