the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
