She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
