just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
