We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
