Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
