Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize