His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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