i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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