New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
