He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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