Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
