She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
