Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
