??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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