If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
