Need sex. Gaining weight.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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