my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
